sprinkled with saddness with what seems like forever

i felt your last breath
between the sheets
you welcomed death

stand up to the lights
please think again
kiss me goodbye

follow and fluttering
soiled and sparkling
silent and whispering
you werent there

cold and shivering
weathered and blistering
stumble and na na na
you werent there

if i could i would swing you forever
tattoo wings
rubbing hands back together
lift the shadow
peel back the layers
make you promise
tease and watch the time pass
swallow my pride
wait for the moon
kiss all the tigers
stare at the stars
gone

i was me, but you... you werent you

last nite, i had a dream
i was me, but you... you weren't you
i was as i have always been, quite, alone, meek and scared

we wondered, it was cold
the were many lines, at first, there was no one, only us.. .you and i
we were on a mountain, a resort
.. .and then, then it opened
we stuck me as unusual was the way it changed

we were so happy, as one being, fluid in every way
you recalled how i made you smile, even through the pain
i looked into your eyes to be warm, safe
... and i was
as you were, hand in hand, step within step

when the time came, it came fast
it was early afternoon or morning, i cant exactly recall
the lines opened and from nowhere, people arrived
ALOT of people
i was lost, or, as it felt, you were gone
instead, somehow... i was working with the employees

the were confused and needed help
you were missing
as were all of the people who came to the park
so.. i worked
whiteout, that's all we saw
a thick blanket of snow
the parks employees didn't seem to concerned with your disappearance, they knew where you were

soon, i grew more lonely
it felt like death
i was sad but couldn't cry, they see, it was cold, id freeze
the walls were white and cool shade of blue
the front was all glass, beautiful and crisp clear thick glass
soundproof as i recall

the lines filled again and the employees readied
it was now dark
the snow slowed
i felt a warming from within
i saw you.. but, you weren't you
i felt as two

time felt like it didn't exist.. but did, and it moved quickly
you were shiny and new
people surrounded you
enamoured by you, you relished in it, bathed in it

you knew me, but didnt care
i ran to you, you looked away
you looked familiar but not as i recalled
you were as youve always been
so beautiful, so warm
but you touch was ice
it burned

i followed you outside
people were everywhere
i asked why i was left alone
you never spoke, or at least, all i could hear, was the people
thier quite roar

you were a stranger and all that we were was gone
soon
again
you were gone
so were the people
the staff
the whispers
the roars

just i
just the cold
alone

now all im left with is the longing
was i me but you werent you
or
was it. .
you were you and i wasnt me

who was lost
who left who

i have to believe...

i was me, but you... you werent you

tudors of ghosts

all of us want something more
all of us want to be make believe
pulling out all our teeth
pulling away from each other
as we fall asleep
never knowing what the tomorrow brings
what the time would mean
take it away
smother it in blame
take a pill
fade away
decay

all of us want to be more
all of us watch it in make believe
scratching out our eyes
bleached black blanket our lies
hold up your heart
hold up the worst of it
showered it in acid
lose yourself
where did i go
was it not in my hands
just one more try
once again
no more
yes
we lie

settled at the bottom pt.II

feeling ashamed
feeling nothing
feel as if I'm dead inside
feelings fleeting
feels beneath me
feel the darkness in the light

saw the fog roll in
saw the thickened skin
saw everyone cry but why
complication has had enough
suffocating don't give a fuck
sediments rising I come alive

this gift is for you...

settled at the bottom pt.I

the sea of disease is calling me, sometimes I can't believe, what's become of me.
the flood comes in at high tide,
there is no room to hide,
so I sink in the tide.

pulls me under,
waits for room for one more

stains for all my crimes,
no more kiss me goodbye

oh, wo is the pain

so trin today fractured her left ringfinger. how?

well...apparently she had to go to the bathroom soooooooo bad, she forgot to remove her hand while slamming the stall door shut. oops. BAM! 4hrs and almost $6000 (pre insurance claim) later, trin is knocked out with a heart monitor and tube stuck down her throat... its operation time. 1hr later and she's still out but has a rod inserted into her hand holding her ringfinger in place. funn.

she never made it to go to tje bathroom, now, 5hrs later, ahe STILL hasnt gone....

nerves or what?

poor kid... following in my footsteps. by age 10 I had:

- drank draino
- fallen down a 2 story flight of stairs (outside)
- stapled my fingers together
- broke the growth bone in my right hand
- sliced my finger open with a razor blade
- my face ripped open by a sprinkler head
- died, i was hit by a truck fracturing my head, broken wide open out the back
- shot a 3/4 staple through my left hand
- almost died again but of alcohol poisoning

the list goes on and on..

so, trins had a broken arm (fell of the monkey bars) and now this....

LET THE GAMES..... BEGIN!

lie on the 7th day

i fell asleep to the sound of your lullaby

watched the twilight fill up in your eyes

hold me close

tumbling down

spin me around

spin me around

i spoke to you in ways only i could dream about

i floated away on lips of angels on a blanket of clouds

your crimson like raspberries

bitter like the memories

hold me close

tumbling down

spin me around

spin me around

shut your eyes and lay back down

theres no reason to think i cannot

cold
i am so cold
please tell me am i falling down
die
when will i die
please tell me if i should survive
lie
one little lie
please tell me what have you found
cold
i am so cold
please tell me you will not cry

nothing exists
you cant take it back
you started this chain
i'm bleeding out
descending alone

crooked are we
punish the weak

wrong
i am so wrong
please stop this spinning around
die
when will you die
please tell me you wont survive
lie
you fucking lied
this lie will send you 6 feet through the ground
cold
you were so cold
there's no reasons to think i cannot. ..

just which way is

car crash deflects the memories
staining the future, stripping the mind
the taste of copper
they freeze

there's a pain within my head
another truth is gone
does it matter if i wind up dead
does it matter if i don't belong

she thinks that i'm on fire

conversations lost in the shade of night
i cant believe i held my breath
the tapping of machine gun fire
i stop

the ramblings of a twisted thought
i push the button
we are rushing to another window
she jumps

there's a pain that's within my head
another truth is gone
doesn't matter if i wind up dead
doesn't matter that i don't belong

she thinks that i'm on fire

almost not asleep at all

late one day the streets went dark
i could be mistaken about where you werent
but never really had to
then the fog rolled in

if i could taste the air you'd know id breathe
instead im left here or there
left for dead, wondering my way through the haze
the mascara runs and sinks deep

i knew she only wished for it away

there was a broken window
i peered inside and took the leap
i dove deep inside

the water ran over my face and her
we tried but never could
she lit the fire that caught me
i cut the web and away we swang
she ran closer to the flame
i took the blame
now covered in shame

but it was one hell of a time

i fell through the hole in the floor
cut myself but didnt care
you were curious
werent you

i was

my 9/11 experience

I recall where I was and when - coming into my Wal-to-Wal-Mart in Duarte, ca. walking up to the store and Kat asked if I heard. "heard what?", I said. . "a plane crashed into the WTC. "WHAT!? how does that happen? That's a big fucking building, how could someone accidentally fly into it?!"

We went into work and turned on the news.. yep, tower 1 was smoking. I went onto working, having the radio on as I always did.. . then BAM! Tower 2 was struck. . .at that point I watched a replay of the plane smacking into the building, felt my heart sink into my chest. In the 80's planes were high jacked and held for ransom, not flown into buildings. . . what was this? So, at that point I didn't feel like working anymore, I then watched the towers collapse. KNEE JERK REACTION? ATTACK WHOEVER DID THIS BULLSHIT! I remember everywhere looking like a ghost tow, paranoia rampant.

Now, 8 years later... my paranoia has subsided. My thought process has weened to not trust what I see or what THEY want me to see. Don't get this confused with a different paranoia, its merely a "third eye". A new found clarification of what is real and what is manufactured. Some people would label me as a "conspiracy theorist", however, I am not. You see, as in anything else. There are 3 sides to every story. 3. It basically breaks down like this- Yours. Mine. THE TRUTH. 9/11 EXAMPLE - YOURS (the government) Extreme Muslims attacked us with hate in their hearts and virgin glory on their minds MINE (someones not telling us the complete truth, the government either didn't know, KNEW the plans OR KNEW the plans and HELPED fund the mission) THE TRUTH - A beautiful day is forever associated with UGLINESS and GRIEF. Loved ones have died and they never knew what was coming. SAD.

I feel for those who lost their loved ones. The few (600 est. working in the towers) folks in the towers (few is the hundreds that died, had the buildings been busy and filled - would've been THOUSANDS!!) That isn't meant to take away from those who's lives are no longer with us. HOWEVER, I believe the BOMB in the trade center years earlier, yea, that WAS for real, no one was prepared for that. Now, planes flying into buildings... umm, no, that was PLANNED and KNOWN about. WAR is a business much like anything else, it needs to be sustained, it makes the world go round.. once again, do some research and check your history, it has a nasty way of repeating itself. . .ALL THE TIME!

The media has a nasty way of spinning EVERYTHING, such as elections (hello George W Jr., I loathe you and have placed you into a box, maybe I will let you out sometime soon, not likely though) and they also spin REALITY. Such as certain recorded events then SPUN and no longer aired about who's heard what, saw what and talked about what they heard and saw. Anyways, these examples are available on many sites, BE CAREFUL of believe everything you read though. . .MUCH like a Michael Moore movie, entertaining, but use at your own discretion.. remember, YOURS.MINE.THE TRUTH.

I guess the point I really want to get across is, I view 9/11 as just another day, similar to my birthday, not the same as Christmas. It's just a day, only, a day that something sad happened. I'm not sad or angry over the situation anymore. My paranoia was forced and the government and media wanted me, US ALL, exactly as they wanted. BUT NO MORE! So, let us all feel and remember those who died. Honor their memories and their desperation in their time of peril, with courage and love. Honor them by doing everything we did before, LIVE YOUR LIFE. Seize the day. . .because you never know when YOUR time is up. When the wrong place or the wrong time will show up and smack you in the face.

I will always remember the day, what happened, the stupid reactions I, WE had. The people who lost their lives for what has amounted for NOTHING. Life is worth more. Honor all those who pass by LIVING YOUR life. FIND and TAKE the beautiful from the ugly. THAT'S WHAT BEING AN AMERICAN means to me. FIND and TAKE the beautiful from the ugly.

It's a game of perseverance
It's American

health care reform

So. . 1st off let me say, I PROUDLY voted for Obama and still stand behind him and his ideals. I am neither democrat nor republican. I am solely a SAD American who believes in his country, what it stood for and what it continues to need to be. So, with that said... here we go...


I enjoy listening to Obama, He's a smart man, intelligent PR guy (that's what the president is in my eyes) that grabs my attention. McCain just made me wanna punch a dog in the face, and well, he was just to damn old. If ANYONE party wants to grab my vote, DON'T RUN OLD ASS PEOPLE! I mean, I LIKE old people (people who are OLDer then me), but if you are back in diapers, I don't need you in my grill.


But I digress, back to the topic...

This country NEEDS health care reform and it NEEDS it NOW!

My biggest case in point to this is - I didn't know you Eric, but I tried to help and felt your pain

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/09/01/health/01well.html

-

http://www.prweb.com/releases/2009/09/prweb2830934.htm

The point of the current "health care" system was set up was to BURN everyday people you and I. Listen to the Watergate tapes if you disagree, READ up on your history. We live in a monetary system, so, that was to be expected.

I agree with Obama, don't DISMANTLE the current system, only give it an overhaul. Don't swing to the FAR left (single health care system such as CanadaDAs - although - could work) and don't do a minor stalling stance such as the FAR right, who attempt to SCARE the PUBLIC (which is currently happening - case in point - that douche Hannity (I do enjoy listening to his banter though- some of which, I do agree with)). I like Obama's call to arms, his asking, pushing, aiming for both parties to come together and FIX THE SYSTEM. His re-affirming that my current insurance (I like, but not so much as much as I LOVED my HMO in so cal).

When Obama talks about not going broke when your sick, which HAPPENS all the time, its happened to Jenn and I and we are STILL paying it off. I WANT and NEED more security and BETTER options. I like the fact this plan will cover EVERYONE! The current system is rotten. Why NOT take the tax dollars that are already going into the broke system and place it in a newly reform more HEALTHY system. I like that Obama is endorsing McCains option from the primary, pieces of it I agreed with, why NOT use it? You know what another good example/reason of WHY we need health care reform? Wal-to-Wal-Mart uses Blue cross, WHICH BLOWS!!! I know, because when I worked there I actually had to go to the state to get my kids shots, as Blue cross at the time didn't cover preventative, costing me $600 for 2 shots. BS!

Back to Obama's speech, good show for coming out and DISPELLING the far rights rumors and war mongering. . much to many boos?? ? for not covering illegal aliens (not that I want them deported, just legalized. . .that is a different topic altogether) I also want to say I WANT A PUBLIC OPTION! Not that I want to switch to it, but I want MORE options. More options are better for everyone. You know what is good about his speech about this though, that it is not the be all end all, and that BOTH sides, far left, far right. . quit making wild claims one way or the other. let it be what it is and not what it isn't. However, this IS politics, isn't it? Who's gonna score points where and how many?

You know what Obama is good at, despite what some people would have to think, HE DOES, attempt to move forward bringing the best ideas from both parties together. I like when he points out, yea, its a lot of money, but less then all this other BS which isn't doing ANYTHING to help out ANYONE other then the ELITIST, of which, I am not nor am I ever likely to be, so BOO HOO, for your sad rich little lives.

So I guess the simplest way to put down what I'm picking up from this speech of Obama's was - Do nothing = Stay Shitty/ Do something = PROGRESS

That's something that should make sense to EVERYONE, young and old.

Republican Response-

Again, I'm sorry. . .but ANOTHER semi-southern tool? They continue to "kick the can", and I'm sorry, but screw your "I'm also a Dr." BS! Wow, that's really gonna make me trust your unknown ass? The same FEAR mongering continues... now, his piece on his points to which they agree, their ideals, sound good, agreeable. . but the time frame for their ideas BLOW! I do however, LIKE the idea for getting insurance interstate, although it'd be doubtful to work- case in point California Electric Deregulation http://dbacon.igc.org/PJust/02ElecDereg.htm

tango

i know what i like, do you know what i need
pistons burning hot but the engine is clean
candle drips of burning wax, you cant wash it away
leather tight and rug burns wont give it away

now, come on
yea, come on

the only thing better then bruising a bone
the taste of your breath so dont leave me alone

anymore

now, so come home
yea, and come on

i know what i like and i got what you need
heavy taste of metal and your sugar gasolene
aint gonna waste a goddamn thing
now were burning clean

so, just come on
yea, come on

the only thing better then breaking a bone
feeling of creating the scar, i cant do it alone

so, just come home
yea, come on